Haunted.. When and How Do We Start Educating Kids on Abuse???

I used to (????) have this PMS (paranoid momma syndrome)...uhhu... uhhu... okay I have it even now but only in a few really serious issues okay..

When I got to know that I was carrying a baby girl in me, with things around me, hormone surge, the panic and fear knew no bounds and my thoughts used to run haywire in any direction on anything... but one thing has remained with me to date is the issues of child sexual abuse.  I know, in a place like India where even talking about sex is a taboo, this debate would raise more than a few eyebrows.. when I even try to express such concern to anyone around me (rural AP) they kind of look at me as if I just invented that those are just my fears and NO ONE can dare do that to kids and especially not my kid.. what?? my kid is direct descendant of God is it to be immune to it if it does happen all around??  With so many psychos lurking around, it is really scary...

We are not raised to express anything, so if a kid is abused, he/she will keep it under wraps and suffer through it.. if not all the way, kids (both gender) and women are more prone to molestation attempts.  It is scary to get into a bus in the cities, I had actually stopped getting into a bus for a while thanks to some really bad experiences... psychos lurking all over to touch, squeeze and do what not... out of shame, the girl/woman keeps quiet, the kids might not even know they are being used (scariest of all)...

I might be thinking too much but I cannot deny that things do happen.. I have heard about various stories from friends were the family friends scarred their lives with unwanted advances, touch and words.. it is really scary.. who do I trust my kid with...

So, whenever there is an open discussion, I try gathering points and make a note for myself.. For the starters, I ensure that the kid is with people who I trust absolutely and with no one else.. NO ONE else.. just my mom, maamas, buddu my maid.  Just putting it up to share a few views of people across the globe that happen to find practicable.

If we are under the misconception that only girl child is at risk, then think again.. I guess both are equally at risk...

Infants to Toddlers
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**Start early, never ever give the infant to anyone unless you trust them completely even for a few minutes.
**When bathing the kids, tell them about their private parts and no one, absolutely no one other than mommy, grandparent should touch their private parts.  Assuming dad is used to giving the kid baths and cleaning up after potty session, we should include dad as well.. so other than the parents (assuming the dad is cleared) can touch them there.  IF anyone does try to, or asks them to do something to those parts, they should immediately shout/scream/draw attention and refuse to be around that person and then, let mom/dad know what has happened (when she meets them).
**Parents should not appear to be too friendly or trusting of drivers/servants etc, especially in front of the kids, as they will think that those people are "good friends" with mom/dad, so they are trustworthy and whatever they do is fine.
**Do not leave your kid anywhere if there is no woman in the house...Even if they are your best friends...NO...Unless you are sure that the lady of the house, is going to be near your kid, do not take chances.
**In some Indian families, especially for the boy kids, the private organ is treated like a toy and referred to with different names and made fun of and what I find most disgusting is the parents asking the kids to point it out like "where are your eyes, where are your ears".. I really find it sick, i don't know if I am overreacting but I cant really tolerate it.
**Whenever traveling by public transport, make sure the kid wears pants or capris and not skirts or frocks (girl child)... .because children keep jumping here and there..and u never know who keeps watching your kids!


Since kids that small do not know the difference between good touch and bad touch, they need to be cautioned against everyone and everything... later on when they are old enough, they will figure it out as to what is what... do not raise them with panic or in panic, just keep it subtle but drill it strong in their tiny minds.

One very very vital thing is to keep the communication channel open between the kids and you... They should not be scared to open up with you...

Talk..talk and talk a lot with ur kid everyday. LISTEN.

Teach your kids to say NO...lot of times when kids don't like a particular person,.we force or kids to be polite or give a hug or kiss to someone..if in general your child is well mannered and is saying no to certain person or place.....pay attention!!


Stop scolding your kid for no reason or maybe even for a reason. Always be pleasant and loving to her/him. Its easy to scold but remember life goes on. Your kid gradually may lose trust and belief on you when it comes to disclosing sensitive issues
 
Most of our kids would come back from school complaining about a fight with his/her classmate . Now what is your reaction when you hear this???

Think for a minute before u read the next line...





















Done???

Obviously, 60-80% of the parents first question is ..What did you do ???

What goes through internally in a child's mind is : Oh ! My dad/mom is going to start scolding me and I am going to get it for nothing.  It is better I do not tell about these fights hereafter.

Now apply the same thing to the context of this topic. Its hard still the truth that it would be ur neighbor or even your close relative who would try to misbehave with your child. When this happens you think the kid would have the courage to disclose it to you...

You, unknowingly have already developed an insecurity in her/him by asking the first tough question..

What did you do ???

Would your kid have an answer for what did you do in this case? NO... So she/he would obviously refrain from disclosing this incident to u


So...

Always be proud that Nature/God/Supernaural Power/Science/Love has given you a great gift and that is your child

Never ever scold them at a tender age because they seriously are not doing anything wantedly.  They Just honestly don't know. If they knew, I am sure they would have a say in this debate and only we adults would not be the ones breaking our heads on it (Thanks for this exercise Prashanth.. I totally agree with it!!!)


This made me realize that developing an open and trusting relationship with a kid is very vital in parenting.

However, as adults we need to show some discretion and go with our instincts rather than totally rely on the kid... it is really tricky, a thin line between truth, misunderstanding and a lie, the kids are not aware of it, as a parent we need to be able to delineate what is what.
1. Do not overreact if the kid at any point of time says that so and so uncle touched me here..touched me there...
2. Do not discuss about this in front of the kid with your spouse.
3. Do not try to abuse the guy who did it, in front of the kid. If it is a girl kid, she may start developing an aversion towards the entire men community..which will hamper her development.
4. Of all things, Don't try to justify what the guy did or try to prove that the kid got it wrong. Don't ask the kid too many questions like..Are you sure..uncle did that you?  Just use your discretion and keep an eye.
5.  Never ever directly point out a person's name and ask if he/she misbehaved with her.. just listen.

When the kids can speak and go to school, pre-school

1.  Instead of just teaching about good touch and bad touch. You need to teach about owning the body and a child’s right over their body.

2.  Teach your children about their private parts.

3.  First you need teach them the correct name( it is recommended because in case anything happens. The child can use the proper words to explain the things to the justice system).

4.  Next, teach them their body private parts belong to them and no one can touch it.

5.  Not even dad, mom (except when giving bath), not even next door neighbor, not any relative, not your sibling, not your cousins. (Because most molesters are some one close to the child)

6.  Next teach them that they can touch their body parts, and there is an appropriate and inappropriate place to do that. This helps them to look at their body at not something that is dirty so no one can touch it.

7.  Give them reason that their body is special and it belongs to only them, so only they can touch it and no one can touch it.

8.  If someone touches it, teach the children to say “no it is mine. You cannot touch it”. Then come and tell it to mom or dad.

9.  Ask them questions like who can touch it and who cannot touch it.
Like can your teacher touch it
Can your bus driver touch it.
When can mom and dad touch it. can they touch it other times.

After all this also, don’t except your children to come and tell you if something happens, because most of them don’t. So always looks out for signs and keep and eye on everything.

If something happens and you come to know. Get help don’t try to deal with your children yourself. You are not equipped with the proper knowledge to help the child no matter how good your intentions are.

Inputs From Internet
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Tips To Keep Children Safe from Sexual Abuse By Jill Starishevsky on Oct 25, 2009.

Keeping your children safe from child predators sounds like a scary proposition, but it doesn’t have to be. We used to teach children about “stranger danger”, but studies have shown that most sexual abuse occurs at the hands of someone known to the child. He might seem like the friendliest teacher, neighbor, uncle or coach. Unfortunately, this person, who is always showing an interest in your child and working to develop trust, can sometimes be a child predator. It is difficult for adults to recognize these people for who they really are, and of course, it is even more difficult for children. Just as we teach children about the dangers associated with crossing the street or going near a hot oven, we must talk to them about recognizing and avoiding threatening encounters with child predators. I have a short list of "tips" that have helped me talk to my children about safety. Here are some suggestions:

1. No secrets. Period.
2. Don’t dress children in clothing or accessories with their name on it.
3. Teach your child the correct terms for their body parts.
4. Practice “what if” scenarios.
5. Teach your child their name, address and phone number at an early age.
6. Prepare a child with what to do if they get lost.
7. Internet Safety:
8. Let children decide for themselves how they want to express affection.
9. Teach your child that adults do not need to ask children for help.
10. Teach children the buddy system.
The link to the full article is as HERE.  (Thanks a lot Uma for this link).

Darkness to Light... HERE .(Thanks a lot Vidya for this link)

Good Reads

THE CARE & KEEPING OF YOU - THE BODY BOOK FOR GIRLS 

If It Does Happen... What next????
If your child comes and reports about such a thing happened to her ..say a close relative or say a good friend does that to your child, what to do next?? Of course, we will never leave the child ever near him/her. But what would we do with that person. I mean, what is the next action, because popular or rather very obvious response would be not to report it to police, for fear of protecting the child..but what needs to be done???
From a parent point of view
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As for me, molesting a child is a statutory rape. Anything other than reporting to police and taking legal action to prosecute is protecting a criminal who has done harm to your little one scarring them for life. Even if it is your brother or a very close relative or your spouse it should not matter. Though it is difficult decision this is something where you show your priorities.  I think what people don't realize the serious criminality of this and because because people don't really come out in open, events kept under wraps and hushed up, we give them a chance to go free.. we protect our own kid and for the fear of society or whatever, leave a criminal at large to play with other kids' lives.

******************************Need more Inputs*******************************

Finally but most importantly...

In the end, I would like to say let us teach or kids to be independent and beware of what is happening around them....let us empower them to deal with world outside but NOT scare them and fill their minds with ideas that EVERYONE is bad out there.

After putting up all at one place, I do not really think that being scared or being paranoid and passing it to the kids is going to help in any way.  I do not think to be so much worried. all we need is the awareness and to be cautious. No need to overdo it, just go along with ur instincts which is very important.  If one has the feeling that something/someone is not safe or may not be safe for the kid, just go with the instincts and be cautious from your end, let the kids have their share of fun the way we had in our childhood.  The core point is not to tie them with chains of fear and anxiety, in stead let us make them aware and set them free and how do we go about it is the whole point?!!!

PS:  The points listed here are not just my own thoughts but gathered from various discussions in forums, especially Indian Parenting in Orkut which made me think and retain for referral.  I thank each and every one for their inputs and would like to see a bit more on this..

I would love to see Art, Tharini, ITW, Kiran, MM, Gauri, Rads, Ushaji, do a post on this and see their viewpoint.

Enduku Ayyi Untundabba....

I am a person who does not usually get dreams, even if i do i forget when i wake up.. kalalu anevi raavu, porapaatuna vacchina bad dreams, intuitive dreams typelo untay and majority of the content marchipotaa.. but there is this constant and recurrent dream that occurs every once in a while...

That all my teeth are becoming loose and ready to fall out of the mouth.. eppudu anni pallu oogutunnattu muttukogaane okkoti oodipotunnattu... kala vacchina next morning asala oka rangelo pallu tomestaanu min 20 nimishalu ruddi ruddi laagi peeki check chestaa...

Prati dream venaka oka reason untundi antaaru kada deeni venaka enti.. nenu eppudu teeth gurinchi alochistoo padukonu, eppudu peddagaa alochinchaledu kooda but I get this dream time and again... enduku.. emiti evarikaina telusaa??? teliste cheppi punyam kattukondi baabu...

Konni wordski original meaning verugaa unna.. usage moolaana oka misconception vacchestundi kada... like in my case.. "Nerajaana"... Jaana or Nerajaana ante maa oorlo usually cunning womenni refer chestoo antaaru.. i mean demeaning ga.. adoka pedda jaana ani  :((((... so ade impression undipoyindi naa mindlo... but TVlo programski, TIAlo contestski aa peru use chestunte search kodite telisindi adi intelligent woman ani artham vacchey word ani...

hayyo hayyo enta manchi maataki alaanti usage undukocchindabba?????... deeni saaraamsam emanagaa.. meelo inka evarikaina naa laanti misconception laantidi unte tolaginchokovalasindigaa manavi.. Nerajaana ante manchi word :)

Vedam... Movie Through My Eyes!!!

I finally happened to make some time to watch movie, like I promised myself I watched it on big screen in a town.. 'cos the films by the time they reach the village are half cut :(((.. that is the point of another post anyways.. for now, I want to stick to reviewing and remembering a movie which has been close to my heart ever since I heard about it ...

Obviously coming from a director like Krish whose Gamyam is one of my all time favorite movies, it has to go into the must-watch list of mine.. Making some time and then watching it with the gang, coordinating their timings, etc. is a mess, so one fine day, I wake up and go watch it and come, problem solved... nenu happies...!! was it worth that wait antey yes, it made me think in many ways and many angles... aina think think tappa nuvvemi chestaavule ani anukuntunnaru kadaa.. naakado tutti aipoyindi antey...

Missed first 10 minutes... watched it from Saroja's scene... It is a typical Krish movie.. signature style telisipotundi.. girl emotional senti, guy carefree, rich, girl wants him to see the reason, the guy sees it after so many tragedies along the way... this is where the similarity in both movies lies.. rich lifestyle, someone trying to bring a change in heart.. in this one, he tried both the ways from the poor man vying for a rich, rich/rich brat angle.  He basically tries to  bring out core human values and feelings.. Gamyam was a little different in the sense, it focused on a single track.

We can see the Crash crossover in this movie, how 5 different people from different walks of life, a poor guy trying to get rich, a rich guy trying to make it big in music world, a prostitute trying to get rid of her madam, a muslim trying to move out of the country to forget the trauma in his life, a FIL and DIL trying to get their son out of bonded labor by selling kidney.  Individually, no person has got anything to do with the other person but circumstances kind of put them all together and how the story unfolds at the end bringing out the heroism in average day to day people... it is like "Ek Situation Zindagi Badal Detihai Sirjee"

There are quite a few points of view that I loved in the movie, in fact each person has a justification to be how he is or what he is, each person has a valid reason to be there at that particular place at that point in time towards the end of the movie.. Ideally I would have loved that these guys rise unscathed from the blast impact, but then again maybe that is needed to have this effect on the viewer...

There is nothing over the board, considering the filth that is shown in the name of family entertainers and double meaning dialogues, screenplay is refreshingly good.. there is use of vulgarity and cheap language but that is how things in real life are.. when you want to make a movie with social message, you show certain things as is.... I do not expect a prostitute to be well-spoken or the people conversing with her in a nice tone.. things do happen the way they show on screen, people are very very derogatory and if you happen to watch the TV channels these days or have any idea of how they speak and behave from close quarters, what they have shown in the movie is very less.. it an unfortunate but true occurrence..

money and lust are two things that rule the lives of the lower strata, this I came to know after staying in a village for a while.. the guy wanting to be rich through a girl, yes that is very common, situations make him think so.. born and brought up in a slum near the high-rises, the only thing he wants in life is to be in them one day for which he would do anything he needs to do, the extent he stoops to to get there but something in him, the core humanity brings him to senses and he goes back to rectify the mistake.. he is a man with flaw but he corrects it and rises to a level way above normal people.

"Adrushtam addam tirigite aratipandu tinnaa pannu iruguddi"... how true!!!!

Manam chaste gantalo lepestaaru, unnodu pote 2 rojulu fridgelo pedataaranta...
this dialogue shows the kind of life the guy has seen and the kind of life he aspires to have.... measuring death in terms of money!!!

Saroja, a lady who knows no world other than flesh trade, trying to run away from madam.. not for good life, but to open another company on her own where she can "work" only if she wants and take a break when she needs to... touching!!  She knows nothing other than customers, sleeping, money... the look on her face when she sees a guy committing robbery for the sake of a girl.. the question or rather that self-question "premante idena??" says it all.. subtle, underplayed.. but still the scene has had its impact long after the movie got over.. the way they are exploited, the way they are treated is scary, I would not even dare to be in the presence of that stuff happening, so can only imagine how it must be to go through it... Finally, after seeing all the real life around her, she decides to go and live a life away from all the mud.. a decent way of life, the life that she had not seen so far, but now knows that it exists...

Vivek Chakravarthy, the typical confused rich kid trying to break free of family requisites and making it big... the gang begins something, ends up doing something else... there are good things about friendship shown there.. Manoj is the surprise performance and somehow I have this gut feeling that this guy will make it big.. like a Saif in Tollywood.. Good luck Kid...

The reality sucks, the slavery, the child labor, no matter how much we would like say is taken care of by government, there are still a lot of lives struggling the way it is shown.. the rich landlords, the family servants, the bonded labor, it exists... maybe the next generation wont accept to it but as of now I do see a few instances... the vultures, the organ trade business, the brokers, everything sucks big time.. but that does happen... blood, organs you name it we get it... source, the poor, the addicts in search of quick money... the struggle to get the kid to school is something I would like to see in every parent...

Manoj Bajpai as usual emoted well but somehow the over-used Muslims are Terrorists and finally proving that there are indeed good ones does not gel well with me... I do not deny that it does happen, it does happen on a fairly regular basis, the discrimination, I mean to say.  I personally do not like the Hindu Muslim Divide, so this was to me the weakest link though the climax actually revolves around terrorism.  One thing I fail to understand is while three of them are arrested, why is only Manoj taken outside by the police officer or maybe I did miss something over there... this was the only link which seemed filmy in an otherwise art film category close to reality movie...

HMmmm... coming to the fact if I cried in the theater... Guesss!!! I did, but not buckets as usual... just a tear drop...

I loved this song on Money.. so true.. one harsh reality that you come to accept with experience... if not for money and lust, world would be so good isnt it????????

My favorite music bytes from the movie are


Padipaa Padipaa Padipaa Nidipaa Nidipaa Nidipaa
Padipaa Padipaa Padipaa Nidipaa Nidipaa Nidipaa


Idi chetulu maari raatalu maarchey kaagitamoy
tanu jebula ninchi jebulaloki dookesi egire egire... Roopaay.
Roopaay, Ru Roopaay... idi Roopaay... haaye Roopaay...
Roopi Roopi Roopi Roopaay
Roopi Roopi Roopi Roopaay

Kotalu medalu kattaalannaa, kaatiki naluguru moyaalanna
Guppedu methukulu puttaalanna
praanam teeyalanna okate..... Roopaay

Ee oosaravelliki rangalu rende... Black Or White..(Roopaay)
Ee kaasula tallini koliche vaadi... Wrong is Right (Roopay)
Tana hundee nindaalante devudikaina mari avasaramenoy
Roopaay, Ru Roopaay... idi Roopaay... haaye Roopaay...
Roopi Roopi Roopi Roopaay
Roopi Roopi Roopi Roopaay



Poye oopiri nilavaalannaa poraatamlo gelavalanna..
Jeevana chakram tiragaalanna
Jananam nunchi maranam daaka..... Rupaaye

Another one that touched me was...
Vedam
prati nimisham prati nimisham adugese mundaalochistu
prati nimisham alochanalaku kallem vestu.. --2--

prati udayam kala kariginaa
nijameduruga nilabadutunna
manishi manishigaa jeeviste
manishini manishigaa jeevinchaniste.. (if and only if it were to happen.. love the possibilities left open without filling in with the lyric)

Vedam... Vedam... Vedaammmmmm... Vedam
Vedam... veeeeeeeeeeeeedam... Vedam vedam vedam
Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedam... vedam vedam vedam

Mommy Guilt

Taking a cue from Art's post on Mommy Guilt, I really wanted to do something along those lines.. if not for the contest as part of my day to day ramblings..
So, here is how it goes or should go..

Guilt or as the dictionaries would put it as "remorseful awareness of having done something wrong" in my case is not something which comes with being a mother.  In some people, it is like a built-in stuff embedded in the genetic pattern itself and maybe I am one of such souls plagued by guilt factor from within, made to feel guilty, making others feel guilty.. you name it and I guess I have been a part of it all..

The worse of it all started though with awareness of being pregnant or rather being pregnant for the second time... giving in to emotions of going through a miscarriage and a feeling of being uprooted from what I was or what I until that time.  Superficially, I blamed it on hormones, blamed it on circumstances, blamed it on everything and everyone in my vicinity but something which I could not really escape was "blaming it on myself".

Would-be Mommy Guilt let us put it

**I was thinking too much about my own life with and without the baby and analyzing the circumstances... "what did that little life-form do to be subjected to so much of scrutiny?"
**Was constantly in an emotional whirlpool and no matter how much  I am told that what I think, do, eat, drink or even breathe at this time impacts another individual for her/his life, I just could not get a grip on myself and follow the To-Do guidelines laid out for good pregnancy.  "I know I am spoiling whatever the chances of this baby inside to be a perfect individual by giving into trivial things."

 If I thought that was bad enough, the worst kicked in the moment I laid my eyes on her..
Aww she is an such an angel and so very perfect.. how can I retain that forever.

When I saw her eyes for the first time staring at me in general..
I take my own decisions thinking it is good for her, keeping her away from certain part of the family... but is it right???  Why are things not like they are at every other childbirth, a very happy occasion in the family.. I am the reason for it, my strong belief about certain things and certain people and conviction as to how things should be for her.  I was all along thinking about myself but seeing her in front of me... all I did that I thought was right came to become a big question... does she not need someone else beyond me who can give their life for her just the way I do.. yes, she does.. then why am I robbing it from her...

When she could not latch on her own and I could not feed her
aww.. she is cursed to have me for mother.. people on the roadside manage to do that and even animals figure out how to do it why am  I not able to do it with so much of support from hospital staff?

When she had to be on formula very early to supplement her feeds

 I am the worst mother of all.

When we were both alone to fend for ourselves with the support of maids
okay why do I need to put her through this..

When I decided to get back to work and saw the child refuse to let go off me..
why should I do this????

The list would go on and on and on...

Each time she refuses to let go off me to work, each time she cries seeing the playmates leave her (why does she miss them so much, am I not providing her enough love), each time I fall sick and have to rely on the maids and relatives to take care of her, each time there is a tear in her eyes, each time she falls down tripping on anything (why did I keep that thing there), each time she refuses to eat (I could have something more palatable), each time I see a kid who is chubbier and happier than yours (I just dont feed her enough), each time I end up at a doctor's place with a sick kid running high temperature and each and every moment (how can I manage to make her sick), every single day was a guilty moment for a while... it was like "wherever you go I am there, whatever you do I am there."


If there was nothing to feel guilty about for a while... why am I not feeling guilty at all ;)... (I know the heights of it, and yes by now some of you must be thinking I seriously need to go see a shrink, by the way a few people in my life already feel that I need to).

I don't know if I am alone in this guilt roller-coaster rides but these are some moments which just leave me wondering if I am robbing those guiltful moments from the time I need to spare for her.


For those moms who think that working from home like I do is really a gift, let me tell you it is worse of the two.. torn between work and keeping the kid at a distance, your tiny little heart just gets crushed a little more :(.

But if there is one thing that is good about this feeling, it is that it always keeps me toes and goads me to give the best to the kid.  The key, however, lies in drawing a line though which is really really thin and easy to miss and step across... you know the image in the mirror that kind of jumps out to tell you are wrong, the one in the mirror criticizing you which is worse than anyone else in the world doing that to you.

To me, there is no rush as such to be a supermom.. it is relieving to see other moms do feel the same as well but the ONE THING that I NEED to do is keep away from people who try to induce more guilt in me than I already have from within.

TV kaburlu

Knowing fully well the kind of movie buff that I am, it is no wonder that I love these talk shows where they get to show us a glimpse of their behind the camera personal life... like Rendezvous with Simi, Jeena Isika naam hai, Coffee with Karan, especially the shows where celebrities interview their colleagues and their rapport throws light some interesting events :) and on top of it such shows are a big yes any day compared to naatak, shaatak, draama, vama of TV serials... I really dont understand how I even could watch those Ekta Kapoor serials like Kyunki.. or maybe things were not as bad in the initial stages...

ammo... ee TV serials, aa make up mohaalu, aa dubbed Telugu, background music, banka jigurulaaga ekkadiki kadalani stories, years together chetta chetta chetta chetta... anyway, aa prapamchamloki elte enakki elaago raalem.. ippudavasarama adi...

I happened to watch RWS yesterday, a very old episode.. with Saif and Dingy... it is like some thing from the very very distant past, ekkado goyyi teesi puraavastu saakha vaallu velikiteesina astipanjaram laaga anipinchindi... but felt refreshing.. Saif looked so immature, ready to please Amrita, Amrita her cool self making it obvious she was the stabilizing factor in his life and stuff like that... a few things they said and I feel are true are..

** if you want to make a relationship work there will be 1000 things working for you.. if you dont those very 1000 seem to be working against you.
** age and experiences sober you down, you become maybe gentler and softer as time passes.
** trust in relationships, a wife being a watch dog and keeping the husband in control is one of the worst things to happen like what is the big deal man, his mind wants to waver but he is there because of the fear, what is the point actually?

and a lot more things... many years down the line, it feels sad to see the way they lives got apart but somehow even at that time, I felt that it was bound to happen some time.. too ready to please Saif and comfort in her own skin Dingy.. I love Saif on screen for the looks, his acting, his comedy timing, his English, everything but Dingy wins it for me for being the person she is...

I got to say a lot of things on a lot of shows which are points to be observed in individual posts...

 Coming to the latest fad of reality shows which I like watching once a while but do not digest are...
Rahul lejaayega Dulhania.. on NDTV, Rahul's Swayamvar... what the heck? this sick psycho who we all got to see on Big Boss openly romancing Payal and even before we can forget the goody goody Ms. Monica Bedi and his romance, his episode of wife bashing, drugs, divorce, the behavior on camera on national TV, people still are vying to get married to this sicko and the things they do amongst themselves to be his wife.. my God!!!! where are we heading to..

dongalu padda aaru nellaki kukka morigindi anukuntunnaru kada... khikhi..hehehe... aarellaipoyindi anukuntaa actually ;).. anyways..

the ones I enjoy to watch once in a while these days are
**Kitchen Champion... pure kitchen fun, no planning, plotting
**Desi Girl -- for masti, masala and stuff... on that note, I really fail to understand what Monica is, I mean her true face/personality.  Each time she manages to confuse me but reassures to me the fact that "I am innocent, Ms. goody two shoes" person that she portrays, she definitely is not.  Selfish to the core, nothing else comes to my mind... I have come across people like her in real life and for the sanity of people around, I wish their breed is very limited ;).
**Heart to Heart with RK

Sumalatha program bratuku jatkaa bandi start ayyindi.. anta below poverty line, labor category people issues solve cheyyali ani focus chestunnaru.. it is good concept but more than the focus on solving or bringing the issue forth enduko cheap publicity anipinchindi.. watched an episode kaani enduko chooda buddi kaaledu... naaku concept nacchindi kaani execution nacchaledu.. Indian Oprah Winfrey typelo edoka program enduku cheyyalekapotunnam manam anipistundi... maybe nenu cheyyalemo.. on a serious note, oka program design cheyyali eppatikaina.. comments cheyyatam telika... practical problemsni overcome chesi execute cheyyadam important kaabatti let us see how it works out finally...

Otherwise it is Zing for Music and Zoom for general watching and porapaatuna madhyalo news channels pettano... veera baadudu shuru...

 latest ga TVlo prostitutionlo cheramani protsaaham icchina police officer gurinchi vaayimpu... ledante Dimple ani TV actress chesina high drama or  National level news chooddam antey on a sad note Kolkatta lo student suicide... chuttu prampanchamlo emi jarugutundo telusukovaali.... kaani nijamga nijam telusukovaalani naa korika...aa particular channel advocate chese viewpoint kaadu... I want to see the world around with unadulterated news catered to me which is the most rarest of all or maybe an extinct commodity already!!!

asso, usso, ayyo, kuyyo...

Heee.. am back match aadi aadi Tollywood actors alisipoyaaro ledo kaani choosi choosi nenu matuku dhaam... aa teesukunna break ee roju varuku malli serious worklo padaledu...

ento.. nenu naa momentary motivation to work...

Match vishayamlo.. yeeha, yahaa, oho, aaha... naa prediction katti... and match maatram inka chaala chaala katti, enjoyed it to the core.. asala nailbiting match kada...

Nag gang adaragottesaru... Akhil looks yummy :)... Manoj and Ram are really cute.. and man!!! has this Nag got something which makes him younger and cuter by the day or what.. he looked the yummiest of all :))))))...

I found some things really cute in the match Sumanth batting ;).. with his tongue outside and hair sticking out behind the cap, Manoj making faces at the camera...

Baalayya meeda impression phat kottesindoch... meerevaraina notice chesara.. toss Venky gelavagaane nenu gelichina nenu battinge teesukunevaadini, nenu toss gelavakapoyina naaku kaavalisinde vacchindi annadu... cut cheste match aipoyaaka toss odipovadam pedda bad, lekapote memu first fielding chesevaalam... adi naalikaa melikaa babu, cameras capture chestaay naalanti picky viewers gurtu padataaru ani kooda lekunda notikocchindi aneyyadamena... hammmaaaaaaa!!!!!

Mottam meeda "film fraternity" coming together for a good cause and actually having fun and making it a worthwhile watch was something really good...

Kid is good, motivation to work is down but thankfully i am working on some issues which are far more vital than work in personal life... hopefully there is a lot more clarity very soon...

so prastutam nenu emi chestunnanayya ante naa bhaarikaayaanni moyyaleka... paina title of the postlo unna vinta vinta kootalu pedutoo, edo alaa alaaa baddakam neerasamga bratuku jatkaa bandini eedchestunna...

T-20 and me

So, I take a break from work to watch the tollywood 20 match going on in LB stadium Hyderabad.  Saw the inaugural speech and the challenges of the players... it is silly, watching it is a waste of time but still I do watch it why??? because I can get really silly at times too... on top of it, I am a real movie buff and anything related to movies, movie stars kind of catches my attention and unless it is a really hopeless stuff, I kind of go through with it completely.

There is nothing much to really do, it is raining outside and as usual I do not have the motivation to work, so what best to do than sit and watch those on-screen demigods and have some good TP..

Balayya lions batting, Venky Warriors bowling ani first match start ayyindi.. valledo aadestunnaru nenedo iragabadi choosestunna... pillakay kooda edo artham ayyi avanattu choostu madhya madhyalo simha simha ani little jigs chestundi.. annatu marchipoya ee madhya maa song of the moment "simhamlaanti chinnode, vetakocchade.. simha simha simha..." heeeeehaaaaaa and when asked who is simha it is "naayi" which means me :)))))).... As of now it is funny and real cute but I just cant imagine my LO being the OA simha ;).

Sare gaani have a nice day.. nenu matuku mast enjoy chestunna kullu comments chesukuntoo... naa kooturito aadukuntoo... madhyalo eppudaina bore kodita ilaa net meeda padi updates istaa...

annattu marchipoya.. simhaalu chatikila padutunnay.. okadaani enaka okati toka mudustunnay...  baabai out ayyadu edo abbayi naana tantaalu padutunnadu... mari result ento.. evaru gelustaaro emaina cheppagalara??

naa guess... wild wild wild guess... Venky Warriors vs Nag Kings Finals kostay and either of it can win... but nenu Nag gang kada konchem atu favor... chooddam mana prediction enta varuku correcto :)

Behind the letters...

There used to be a post every month with a letter to my daughter.  It is not that she is too big yet or I have too less time to write them, it is just that I wanted to take it a little more easy.. time slipped faster as usual.. she will enter her 15th month day after tomorrow and there are sooo many things I want to tell her and share with her.

There have been a few reminders for my letters to the kid as well...thanks guys for reading them out and letting me know time and again that they are good.. just hope the kid likes them as much as you do or at least give them a glance, you know, "those silly momma type of looks".

When I set about writing to the kid, a lot of people asked me the question through mails that how and why chose to do it.. those questions ranging anywhere from how did you get the idea and how do you feel writing them types.

I really dont know how it all happened.. I am very big into mama-baby blogs, I love them to bits.. a few kids like kiran's brat, Kodi and Plane, Appu and Abhay, Winkie and Satya, Brat and bean, Ojas and Tejas, Ashu and Antu, Anush and now Aditi are the kids who I have kind of seen.. err.. read, saw, heard being born and had been a part of their growing up years and their milestones and am really glad to have known them through their mom's diligent efforts to document them up.  I feel so in touch with them, that invisible bond maybe more than a lot of people who get to see them in person.  Somewhere in the world of bloggers I stumbled across a few letters, not every month but once in a while by a few moms which made me think of writing one to the kid..

what do I write? anything that came to the mind on her monthly birthday.. I can put it up as a document or a post like everything else in this blog but I chose to do it in the letter format, 'cos it is originally intended to be for her, for her to read when she is not soo tiny as she is now.  Month after month, I surprised myself I had so much to tell her and so much left still within my heart to convey.

The most important inspiration of course, for a film buff like me is Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.. if you happen to watch it and like it lot like I do, you must remember those yearly letters to the kid when the mom is no longer around.  I know,I am not going to go that soon ;) but then no one knows.. what began as memoirs gradually with the worsening health kind of became those mom-daughter letters to be read after I am no longer around (I know I can give Kiron Kher a run for her money in the department of overacting filmy moms, remember Om Shanti Om and Dostaana).

Anyways to cut the long story short, the letters are not my original brainwave, it was inspired but the one which gave me a lot of satisfaction, especially since the senile dementia seems to be setting in way too early in my case..

Month after month there is this urge to document but I had consciously stopped for the past couple of months after she touched the Big One.  It does not mean I do not celebrate the date 9th of every month like I did earlier.. it just means that some times in this mechanical life and run for survival I dont remember it is actually 9th.  Time just does its duty no matter if I remember or not and the kid keeps growing older.

I celebrate her every day, I thank God for giving her in my life which otherwise would have drifted along in a different direction.  I would have been away from all the people but then I would be as content.  All the issues seem to be trivial when compared to her.  How can such tiny packages give such huge pleasure??  Why is it that God packs so much into those tiny bodies which kind of dilutes as they grow up... why are the kids not even a patch of what they are right now when they grow up.  With a heavy heart, month after month I count her age, I count her milestones, I count the moments so precious....

If there is something that recharges me like a live-wire and live it out like no tomorrow, it is she... did I say this earlier, I know I do very often... kya kare control hi nahi hota...

How I Wish

... that my eyes were 3-D camera lens and the brain a hard disk with unlimited memory to store all the sights, visions, smells, sensations that the LO blesses me with..

...that time comes to a standstill in this very innocent, heavenly and Godly phase of one's life.. called the childhood....

Wish Him Good...

There are some people who are widely misunderstood, their intentions are good, they are friendly, they have a great heart but they just cannot express themselves properly.. one such person who fits this bill is my third maama, by the way I have 4 who are more close to me than my parents 'cos I kind of grew up in their hands at my grandparents place.

There is a saying that when the going gets tough, the tougher get the going... but I always wonder how much tougher can one get.

Born in a dysfunctional family each of them went their own way and one person who had, has, and will likely suffer almost his entire life is this maama who is really close to my heart, I guess nothing I can ever say, do will match the timely help he did to me, taking care of me and LO at the most vulnerable period in our lives...

The person with a toughest exterior, voice almost like a bark, tongue seemingly filled with sarcasm is in reality made of the kindest heart one can ever see... he reminds me of a coconut.

The point of the post is he is diagnosed with some heart ailment which needs urgent operative intervention, a problem which is congenital, took 54 years to surface... He refuses to take any help from any one and I just hope and pray he needs none.. docs say it is a simple procedure, a congenital heart hole closure in layman terminology which is a very simple procedure done even on tiny babies.. but still it is scary...

If I am indebted to some people in life, he tops the list... I feel so helpless seeing him suffer from all angles, entangled in a web of my very own problems I just cannot take it any longer.. just want to see him as his old self barking out aloud on everyone around, I dont really like to see him silent, lying on the bed, talking in whispers, walking and standing cautiously.. suffering all alone back in the village, refusing to go to the family.. Get well soon maams, you need to take care of LO's LO too... you just have no way out too soon from us both...

LO misses falling all over you and playing and I miss you a lot on my trips of shopping... No matter who thinks what of you, you are a savior for us and we wish you all the very very best in life... and by the way, it is a simple procedure, but still that doesnt make the pain for us any lesser.. take care.. we love you loads and bounce back higher...

I need all the wishes for him to get well soon.... keep him in your prayers for a second guys, praying does wonders